Thank you for your thoughts and reflections on this topic, Michelle. The pressure to remain upbeat, positive, and constantly making progress can become toxic itself.
So far, I've been spared having to endure a chronic illness, so I have no idea how I would hold up or respond. And I'm not it in a rush to find out. However, it seems your recognition of the pressures around you is a healthy thing, so I will keep that in mind should my situation change.
Thank you for reading, and for your comment. I think the cultural message may apply to other situations than chronic illness. I’m curious if there are areas of your life where you’ve felt a similar pressure? We all have challenges & setbacks… I’m wondering if there’s a post in “Why healthy people should read Armchair Rebel” 🤔😁
That’s a good point, Michelle. There are situations like in grief, disappointment, etc. where one may feel pressure to put on a happy face and carry on without missing a beat. Susan David’s TED Talk on emotional courage / agility came up in our discussions this week. She explores this topic. It’s still one of my favourites.
Susan David is great, thanks for the recommend. I read her book after listening to her interviewed on both Unlocking Us & We Can Do Hard Things podcasts (both enjoyable listens).
It sounds like I need to check out Susan David. Always looking for some listening on my walks. This is such a rich topic. My family definitely teaches that health is 90% in your hands. Since getting my benign brain tumor I’ve made surrender a much bigger practice in my life, and really swear by the less is more mantra (unless it comes to books and knick knacks, then more is always more, lol.) The pressure to “do” sickness correctly is so pernicious - I think only you and your soul know what you need. However you can get to that hearing place, I believe that’s a great source of medicine too.
ps and doctors, of course, have the body expertise. I meant to say, within their guidelines for your physical body, how can you also care for your heart and gain insight for your recovery there, too?
I’ve just done an online self-paced Re.Creation masterclass by Gauri Yardi & found it very helpful. Gauri talks about the 4 pillars of nervous system care, which I find edges into the heart & soul too. Highly recommended. Gauri has both lived experience and training so she gets it.
Oh Kara, It must have been a bitter pill to swallow the self-blame & shame while also dealing with a brain tumour. I appreciate it turned out to be benign (yay!) but its never *that* benign when its your own brain. I lost a dear friend to an aggressive glioblastoma multiforme brain tumour. We’re all heading to that healing place as best we can - sometimes distracted from the path by Health Hustle Culture. Let me know how you find Susan David.
I will! So sorry to hear about your friend. Yes, the word "benign" feels especially ironic in this context and yet also true. Counting my blessings has never been so easy: "benign" in this case opened a whole new world of reflection for me.
I read somewhere that when a child dies, parents blame themselves. The author considered this a form of self torture. What parents seem to be doing, in my mind, is creating the illusion of control. They are drawn to the belief that had they acted differently, they might have saved their child.
Self blame about disease is similar and as you describe, it tortures us. Somehow this is preferable than having to reckon with the idea that we are not masters of our bodily universe. At best we are servants to random chance.
The fallacy of having control over anything is indeed hard to let go. Personally I feel responsible for so much that I could not have had any possible influence over 🤷🏼♀️
I’ve read that its a human glitch that we would rather be at fault (self blame) than have no control whatsoever. Thanks for reading, and striving to undo that sticky bind weed
I understand completely. Not only do I feel responsible but I get my feelings of hyper-vigilance, confused with a positive outcome. Think that's another species survival glitch. For example, if I am anxious as a passenger in heavy traffic, and no car accident occurs, my mind interprets my anxiety as the only thing that prevented it.
Sometimes our anxiety, when we have chronic disease DOES help us stay alive. I have such brain fog that if I didn't have compensatory mechanisms, however imperfect, like severe anxiety, I would for sure have stepped off a curb directly into traffic at some point in the last few decades.
I guess anxiety is the term for ‘maladaptive’ hyper-vigilence, then? Like a weed is merely a plant where it isn’t wanted, not a type of plant in and of itself?
Thank you for your thoughts and reflections on this topic, Michelle. The pressure to remain upbeat, positive, and constantly making progress can become toxic itself.
So far, I've been spared having to endure a chronic illness, so I have no idea how I would hold up or respond. And I'm not it in a rush to find out. However, it seems your recognition of the pressures around you is a healthy thing, so I will keep that in mind should my situation change.
Thank you for reading, and for your comment. I think the cultural message may apply to other situations than chronic illness. I’m curious if there are areas of your life where you’ve felt a similar pressure? We all have challenges & setbacks… I’m wondering if there’s a post in “Why healthy people should read Armchair Rebel” 🤔😁
That’s a good point, Michelle. There are situations like in grief, disappointment, etc. where one may feel pressure to put on a happy face and carry on without missing a beat. Susan David’s TED Talk on emotional courage / agility came up in our discussions this week. She explores this topic. It’s still one of my favourites.
Susan David is great, thanks for the recommend. I read her book after listening to her interviewed on both Unlocking Us & We Can Do Hard Things podcasts (both enjoyable listens).
It sounds like I need to check out Susan David. Always looking for some listening on my walks. This is such a rich topic. My family definitely teaches that health is 90% in your hands. Since getting my benign brain tumor I’ve made surrender a much bigger practice in my life, and really swear by the less is more mantra (unless it comes to books and knick knacks, then more is always more, lol.) The pressure to “do” sickness correctly is so pernicious - I think only you and your soul know what you need. However you can get to that hearing place, I believe that’s a great source of medicine too.
ps and doctors, of course, have the body expertise. I meant to say, within their guidelines for your physical body, how can you also care for your heart and gain insight for your recovery there, too?
I’ve just done an online self-paced Re.Creation masterclass by Gauri Yardi & found it very helpful. Gauri talks about the 4 pillars of nervous system care, which I find edges into the heart & soul too. Highly recommended. Gauri has both lived experience and training so she gets it.
Oh Kara, It must have been a bitter pill to swallow the self-blame & shame while also dealing with a brain tumour. I appreciate it turned out to be benign (yay!) but its never *that* benign when its your own brain. I lost a dear friend to an aggressive glioblastoma multiforme brain tumour. We’re all heading to that healing place as best we can - sometimes distracted from the path by Health Hustle Culture. Let me know how you find Susan David.
I will! So sorry to hear about your friend. Yes, the word "benign" feels especially ironic in this context and yet also true. Counting my blessings has never been so easy: "benign" in this case opened a whole new world of reflection for me.
I read somewhere that when a child dies, parents blame themselves. The author considered this a form of self torture. What parents seem to be doing, in my mind, is creating the illusion of control. They are drawn to the belief that had they acted differently, they might have saved their child.
Self blame about disease is similar and as you describe, it tortures us. Somehow this is preferable than having to reckon with the idea that we are not masters of our bodily universe. At best we are servants to random chance.
The fallacy of having control over anything is indeed hard to let go. Personally I feel responsible for so much that I could not have had any possible influence over 🤷🏼♀️
I’ve read that its a human glitch that we would rather be at fault (self blame) than have no control whatsoever. Thanks for reading, and striving to undo that sticky bind weed
I understand completely. Not only do I feel responsible but I get my feelings of hyper-vigilance, confused with a positive outcome. Think that's another species survival glitch. For example, if I am anxious as a passenger in heavy traffic, and no car accident occurs, my mind interprets my anxiety as the only thing that prevented it.
Sometimes our anxiety, when we have chronic disease DOES help us stay alive. I have such brain fog that if I didn't have compensatory mechanisms, however imperfect, like severe anxiety, I would for sure have stepped off a curb directly into traffic at some point in the last few decades.
I guess anxiety is the term for ‘maladaptive’ hyper-vigilence, then? Like a weed is merely a plant where it isn’t wanted, not a type of plant in and of itself?