Great questions! I have 1000% things I’m proud of and take for granted. I’m also noticing some of my own internalized ageism for sure. SO glad your mom is okay! The escalator to old age is a real mental moment, isn’t it? I’m sorry for this knock to your ego and very hopeful for your continued conversations/observations with your doctors. (Alarmed with you by the odds of that statistic - I’m guessing your mental math is correct on how that was developed and what factors influence it...)
Thanks for reading and joining the conversation, Kara. A lot of the time the medical risk of tests is in the ‘your parachute didn’t open’ degree of likelihood - sucks if it happens, but is so wildly unlikely that the stats are reassuring. Internalized -isns are such a thing, great for keeping us living small, hamsters on our individual wheels, running too hard to look up and smell the coffee - or roses ymmv.
Yes! Such a great way of putting it. My own “gift of a brain tumor” was such a reality check of who gets to be in charge of my pleasure. Oh right. Me! Really helped put the sexism, ageism, and capitalisms in their right place/a better place than right in the middle of my mind. 💞
Thank you as always for your generosity in sharing yourself, and your hard earned wisdom with compassion and humour Michelle! So much resonance here for me, and also new ways of seeing some of the things that are also occupying my thoughts and life. I’m so glad your Mum is doing well! So many isms in our culture and healthier is huge in our increasingly wellness and healing orientated culture. I sighed when I read bootstrapping ourselves back to health (am there regularly) and the internalised ageism and capitalism. Having a chronic condition broke me and my sense of being a productive capable cog in the machine. Such a huge painful gift in hindsight. I also relate to the being told to take this for the rest of your life moment. Great questions too....SO many subconscious pride points. Being up close with chronic mental health issues in my family has given me the gift of not judging a book by its cover though. There is so much that goes unseen yet felt.
Thank you for reading and commenting. I still (on the daily) struggle with wanting to be a good cog. I’d be happier taking my learnings forward if I could do it with a healed body, and capacity to work 4 days per week at a paying gig. And still, I do see value in my experience, for myself and for others, like you, who are kind enough to say so.
I feel you Michelle. I wonder if I’d be here on Substack if I was able to work in the way I used to be able to. I still yo-yo between what I think is expected of me and what I am willing/able to actually do. Like a pendulum over reaching/expanding and swinging/retreating wildly back to cocoon. Sigh xxx
I feel so seen by your comment. I didn’t have the spoons to Substack while I was working. Caring tasks are taking a big bite out of reflection time too.
Not until my abilities were stripped away by a rare, neurological disorder did I discover a resilience that wasn’t tied to always “feeling good in my body.” Didn’t happen overnight, but after four long years of trying to fix myself, I started allowing the experience to be part of me. And that’s when a sort of “healing” occurred without being cured.
Thank you so much for sharing that hard-won insight Kimberley. Its good to have you here and
To hear that life can be good even unfixed. I recently heard the terms ‘health hustle culture’ & ‘healthism’ and both struck me as unquestioned by those who haven’t visited the Village of the Sick.
Great questions! I have 1000% things I’m proud of and take for granted. I’m also noticing some of my own internalized ageism for sure. SO glad your mom is okay! The escalator to old age is a real mental moment, isn’t it? I’m sorry for this knock to your ego and very hopeful for your continued conversations/observations with your doctors. (Alarmed with you by the odds of that statistic - I’m guessing your mental math is correct on how that was developed and what factors influence it...)
Thanks for reading and joining the conversation, Kara. A lot of the time the medical risk of tests is in the ‘your parachute didn’t open’ degree of likelihood - sucks if it happens, but is so wildly unlikely that the stats are reassuring. Internalized -isns are such a thing, great for keeping us living small, hamsters on our individual wheels, running too hard to look up and smell the coffee - or roses ymmv.
Yes! Such a great way of putting it. My own “gift of a brain tumor” was such a reality check of who gets to be in charge of my pleasure. Oh right. Me! Really helped put the sexism, ageism, and capitalisms in their right place/a better place than right in the middle of my mind. 💞
Thank you as always for your generosity in sharing yourself, and your hard earned wisdom with compassion and humour Michelle! So much resonance here for me, and also new ways of seeing some of the things that are also occupying my thoughts and life. I’m so glad your Mum is doing well! So many isms in our culture and healthier is huge in our increasingly wellness and healing orientated culture. I sighed when I read bootstrapping ourselves back to health (am there regularly) and the internalised ageism and capitalism. Having a chronic condition broke me and my sense of being a productive capable cog in the machine. Such a huge painful gift in hindsight. I also relate to the being told to take this for the rest of your life moment. Great questions too....SO many subconscious pride points. Being up close with chronic mental health issues in my family has given me the gift of not judging a book by its cover though. There is so much that goes unseen yet felt.
Thank you for reading and commenting. I still (on the daily) struggle with wanting to be a good cog. I’d be happier taking my learnings forward if I could do it with a healed body, and capacity to work 4 days per week at a paying gig. And still, I do see value in my experience, for myself and for others, like you, who are kind enough to say so.
I feel you Michelle. I wonder if I’d be here on Substack if I was able to work in the way I used to be able to. I still yo-yo between what I think is expected of me and what I am willing/able to actually do. Like a pendulum over reaching/expanding and swinging/retreating wildly back to cocoon. Sigh xxx
I feel so seen by your comment. I didn’t have the spoons to Substack while I was working. Caring tasks are taking a big bite out of reflection time too.
💯 relate, so good to be able to share experiences here.
Not until my abilities were stripped away by a rare, neurological disorder did I discover a resilience that wasn’t tied to always “feeling good in my body.” Didn’t happen overnight, but after four long years of trying to fix myself, I started allowing the experience to be part of me. And that’s when a sort of “healing” occurred without being cured.
Thank you so much for sharing that hard-won insight Kimberley. Its good to have you here and
To hear that life can be good even unfixed. I recently heard the terms ‘health hustle culture’ & ‘healthism’ and both struck me as unquestioned by those who haven’t visited the Village of the Sick.